Growing Pains.....

As I grow so does my blog.....after a recent back and forth of emails between myself and fashion insider it was advised for me to find my niche and stop floundering with mundane outfit documentation and re posting others pictures that inspire me......get a better camera and branch out....I have been mulling over this exact bit of advice almost my entire life.....This niche I am supposed to find...The last 5 or 6 years I have finally found the beginning of my path and have been building on what I once thought was destroyed creativity.

 Growing up every time I cut a garment to better suit my aesthetic needs I would get punished, every time I painted on something new my mother bought me I was punished, never encouraged...I remember a time in 6th grade when all jeans were too long for me I cut the sides of my jeans so they would lay better around my shoe, I hated scrunching at the bottom.  After concealing it from my mother for almost the entire day she noticed them when we were waiting in the car for our Chinese food and I crawled in the back seat from the front and she caught a glimpse and went BA-listic.  The next year every store was selling jeans with cuts up the sides.

Every note book I filled with doodles and portraits were cleared out only to be left with half a note book with blank pages, nothing to turn back to to reference because I liked the nose in the last picture better than the one I was working on.  I would go to school and everything I was working on would be ripped out and gone.  My stepfather remarked to me last summer how he never knew I had any talent at anything creative and the rage I felt was near crippling....it's because I was never allowed to succeed at anything and everything I did well was put down, thrown out or followed by a smack in the head. I hated childhood, but find myself fighting the restrictions of it long after its end. I am just now stretching my creative muscles and allowing myself to ruin things or not and create. I am so grateful for any advice I get, especially when it comes from someone who knows what they're talking about, but I am building my niche....little by little and someday, maybe not though, I'll get to where I want to be......and I am so thankful to all of my viewers who are on this journey with me, without you this would be no fun!

I apologize for this rant, but I see all of these young people killings themselves, killing their classmates, turning to drugs and alcohol, hating themselves for their "short comings" and it kills me, I want to hug all of them and tell them that they are just as important as the kids with the $40,000 a year education, endless familial support and easy lives...if not MORE important.  The world needs survivors....Keeps things spicy ;)

To every creative being out there who is picked on, put down, pushed aside, you can do it! If I can you can and I wish you all the light, love, protection and inspiration the world can give you...