Thursday, December 9, 2010

Growing Pains.....

As I grow so does my blog.....after a recent back and forth of emails between myself and fashion insider it was advised for me to find my niche and stop floundering with mundane outfit documentation and re posting others pictures that inspire me......get a better camera and branch out....I have been mulling over this exact bit of advice almost my entire life.....This niche I am supposed to find...The last 5 or 6 years I have finally found the beginning of my path and have been building on what I once thought was destroyed creativity.

 Growing up every time I cut a garment to better suit my aesthetic needs I would get punished, every time I painted on something new my mother bought me I was punished, never encouraged...I remember a time in 6th grade when all jeans were too long for me I cut the sides of my jeans so they would lay better around my shoe, I hated scrunching at the bottom.  After concealing it from my mother for almost the entire day she noticed them when we were waiting in the car for our Chinese food and I crawled in the back seat from the front and she caught a glimpse and went BA-listic.  The next year every store was selling jeans with cuts up the sides.

Every note book I filled with doodles and portraits were cleared out only to be left with half a note book with blank pages, nothing to turn back to to reference because I liked the nose in the last picture better than the one I was working on.  I would go to school and everything I was working on would be ripped out and gone.  My stepfather remarked to me last summer how he never knew I had any talent at anything creative and the rage I felt was near crippling....it's because I was never allowed to succeed at anything and everything I did well was put down, thrown out or followed by a smack in the head. I hated childhood, but find myself fighting the restrictions of it long after its end. I am just now stretching my creative muscles and allowing myself to ruin things or not and create. I am so grateful for any advice I get, especially when it comes from someone who knows what they're talking about, but I am building my niche....little by little and someday, maybe not though, I'll get to where I want to be......and I am so thankful to all of my viewers who are on this journey with me, without you this would be no fun!

I apologize for this rant, but I see all of these young people killings themselves, killing their classmates, turning to drugs and alcohol, hating themselves for their "short comings" and it kills me, I want to hug all of them and tell them that they are just as important as the kids with the $40,000 a year education, endless familial support and easy lives...if not MORE important.  The world needs survivors....Keeps things spicy ;)

To every creative being out there who is picked on, put down, pushed aside, you can do it! If I can you can and I wish you all the light, love, protection and inspiration the world can give you...

2 comments:

  1. I don't know if you'll see this, but I used to frequent your blog... I loved your posts and your online presence always brought a serene warmth to the end of my stressful days of work and school. I was always too shy to comment, but you made this a little over five years ago and it's been on my mind ever since. I feel like I still struggle to find myself both creatively and in general, but I hope you found your niche, and I hope you're happy and doing well, because we're both survivors. You and this post have kept me going for the past half a decade, so I just wanted to thank you... I wish I could better express this to you...

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  2. Rated-G!!! Omg, I love that you reached out to me and shared this! I have absolutely found my niche in the world and I have never felt
    So aligned with my souls path. I let the ego go and did what made me laugh feel light and loved. I let go of the useless connections and started cultivating true meanigful ones based on love and respect. I cant tell you how happy I have become once I let all of the bullshit fall away from my life. I have a company Moonrise Tribe that is a culmination of every leg of my journey. It is a beauty, wellness and spirituality life style website with a store front coming soon. My best advice is let other peoples opinions of what you should do in your life boumce off of you and go afyer what makes you feel giddy inside. If it makes you laugh and giggle and beam, thats your path, even if you arent able to make a living doing it in the beggining, pray to your guides to show you the way and I promise you, it will all come together. Have a beautiful, safe and wonderful holiday season and a blessed New Year!

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